Things I wish I didn’t know as a cop

I don’t remember ever planning to be a cop. Shit happens. – Me

I know what the inside of a baby looks like after his father threw him across the room. I know what 6 dead men look like because they weren’t able to run out of a room fast enough when gang members rushed in. I know what an 80 year man looks like because he didn’t fasten his seat belt and his lower jaw is hanging by a thread. I also know what he sounds like when he is trying to ask about his wife who was sitting right next to him, and also did not wear a seat belt. I know what it feels like to tell him she didn’t make it.

I know what a woman sounds like when I tell her that her husband was murdered. I know what another woman sounds like when I tell her that her husband killed the first woman’s husband. I know what a man looks like just because he was driving a motorcycle, and though the helmet stopped his head from getting bumped and bruised, it did not stop it from being completely separated from his body. I know what an entire family looks like when it is trapped and burned inside a burning car. I know what a 5 year old little girl sounds like when she is describing what and how a man put something between her legs. I know what her mother sounds like when I tell her it was her own brother that did that.

I know what a lady’s scream sounds like when I am trying to pull her over because she is running red lights in her car and she is waving at me with her hands covered in blood. I know what my voice sounds like when instead of pulling into the hospital emergency she passes the building and pulls into the office of an obstetrician instead. I know what her hand feels like when it is crushing mine as she sits in a wheel chair with so much blood running down the inside of her legs.

I know what a woman sounds like when she calls us because her husband beat her face in. I also know what it feels like when that same woman jumps on my back and starts hitting me because I arrested her husband.

I know what a small gun looks like inside the front pocket of someone who is standing across the street. I can walk into a crowded restaurant room and tell you who probably has gun or a knife. I will notice what the chairs and tables are made of to see if i can use them as cover or concealment or as a weapon in case something happens. I always know where the exits are. I know older men usually carry knives and younger men carry guns. I hate sitting with my back to the front door. I can match everyone inside the restaurant to their car outside. I know what gang you are in by the shoes you wear and bandana you carry. I can tell if you just got out of prison by the shoes you wear or by how you eat your food. I know when you are up to no good. I don’t know how I know, but I do.

I know regular people are afraid of gang members. I know gang members are afraid of everything. I know that if you join a gang you will someday wish you never did. I know that if you remain a part of a gang you will one day destroy your entire family. And I know that you can only save it by leaving the gang. And I know that could cost you your life.

I know that people hate cops. I know that people love cops. I know that no matter who you are you will some day lie to a cop. I know that cops deserve better than what they get from you. I know that cops were once regular people. I know that nearly all cops have nightmares about what they know. I know many cops will one day think about eating their own gun.

And I know that all cops wish they didn’t know any of these things.

Shit happens.

4 thoughts on “Things I wish I didn’t know as a cop

Add yours

  1. That was a lot of heavy shit for a Tuesday afternoon. I don’t know if you are secretly Santa Claus, a total badass, or a man that just seen too much or all of thee above BUT – I am glad to know you Robert. Thank you for opening up. You have opened my eyes a bit wider since my coffee.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Hey Robert, this is Glenda Garza from MPL book club. Hadn’t sampled your writing til tonight. Good job on the two blog entries I’ve read. Hope to see you tomorrow night.

    Liked by 1 person

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