We all have random thoughts. Things we think about without knowing what the hell could have triggered them. Most of them are just normal day-to-day stuff. Things we think about every day about things we encounter every day. I am not sure that there is
anything day-to-day about me anymore. I’m sure there used to be once upon a time. I try hard not to evaluate my own thoughts, at least not the ones that make little sense to even me. No good can come of it, I think. They are just thoughts. Things are not necessarily going to make more sense just because we dwell on them. But, when I have nothing else to write, I’ll write those down. If for no other reason than to make you feel better about your own thought process. So spend a little time in my head, it will make you feel better about yourself, lol. Here’s a few random thoughts from last week.
- Sometimes I picture myself in some greasy diner kitchen slapping a breakfast plate on a passthrough while hitting a call bell and yelling out something like “Adam and Eve on a raft!” at some overworked waitress, who, after giving me a rather ugly look tells me to “keep your pants on”. Sometimes I picture myself with pants on. Other times, not so much.
- I was at a stop light today and looked at the that light that counts down from 10 to 1
to signal pedestrians that they can enter the crosswalk. It signals with a the palm of the hand showing all 5 fingers and counts down backwards from 10 to 1. I realized, just then, that it’s only an accurate representation when it gets to the number 5. Only on number 5 does the number of fingers correlate to the number it is showing. That vexed me. I was vexed. I don’t like being vexed.
- Not a lot of people ring my doorbell, but every time the door bell rings I think it is one of 5 things. Always. 1) A 25-year-old girl who looks eerily like that beautiful girl I met that one night at a club 25 years ago. 2) Some super speedy delivery man who was so fast that I missed him when he rang my doorbell and dropped off an oversized and unsolicited box of the amazing Super Swiffer Wet Jet mop. 3) The team from Publisher’s Clearing House asking me if I know when my neighbor gets home. 4) A testosterone fueled SWAT team made up of a bunch of gun toting big pissed off white guys looking for the guy that used to live here before I did. 5) A Mormon sheep herder from New Zealand.
- I have made brownies 4 times this week. My brownie pan (what? you don’t have brownie pan?) makes 12 brownies at a time. That’s 48 brownies. I don’t know where those brownies went. Rescheduling blood sugar test again. Doctor is getting
suspicious. Last month I told him I was kidnapped by a Mexican Cartel who forced me to eat something before midnight the night before the blood test, and, coincidentally, right before my escape. Naturally, I was not able to take the blood test the next morning since I had not fasted (damn cartel). I am running out of good excuses. I think “I make good brownies” will not be enough. I do make good brownies, though. Lots of them.
- It occurred to me this week, and I have no idea why I had not thought of this before, that the coffee bean must be a fruit or a vegetable. Am I right? Please tell me I am right. I know it is referred to as a bean only because it resembles a bean (I read that on the internet so it must be true). But, and this is a big butt (lol), if it is a vegetable or a fruit, then, and try and keep up with me here because this is where the logic gets a little rocky…this all means that I have been “juicing” every day for 50 years now (I have been drinking coffee since I was 4. Child Protective Services never around when you need them)! Am I right? Did I miss a step there somewhere? Suck on that vegans! (I swear if any of you ruin this for me I will write a novel, put you in it, and kill you off in the first chapter. Then I will bring you back in chapter 3 and kill you again. Then kill you a few more times in the sequel. Go comment now. I dare you.)
- Saw the movie Forest Gump for the 5th time this past week. Great movie. That’s all I got to say about that.
- There is no # 7. You people never learn.
- Girls. If a guy asks you out ask him to see his wallet. If he refuses to give it to you walk away. If he hands it to you open it up and look through it. It doesn’t matter how much cash or credit cards he has. That is not important. If he doesn’t have a library card just walk away and don’t look back. I’m serious. I have 3 library cards (wink wink).
- I think writers are peculiar people. I see them sometimes when I am writing at coffee shops or book stores. Not the poor kids spitting homework essays or college students suffering through research papers. I am talking about real writers. The ones that write because they have something to say. I watch them. Those looks on their faces. I see them searching back to into their memories for things long past, or forward to things yet created. It’s a thrill to watch them. I think there is a sexiness about it. Sometimes I want to go up to them and ask them what they are writing about. Other times I think I don’t need the hassle of getting served with a restraining order. Writers do not trust anyone with their sexiness.
- I had a bottle of chocolate milk this past week. I have, almost forever now, had a bottle of Borden Dutch Chocolate Milk when I go to the grocery store. And it never makes it to the check out line. The clerks no longer even look at me funny when I
put the empty bottle down on the conveyor. I do it, because it reminds me of when I was little. When we went with my mother shopping she would let me drink one at the store (they were small half-pints cartons then). But I do it now to remember those days when I was innocent. When nothing touched me even as I wanted to touch everything. Sometimes, even when I have nothing else to get, I go drink one. When the planet gets me down (and it does sometimes) and I don’t have anyone to talk to about it, I go by myself to the grocery store and I drink one, and I feel I am walking with mom again with not a care in the world. Sometimes I don’t even realize I have done it until I find myself at the check out line with an empty bottle of Borden Dutch Chocolate Milk in my hand. Yeah, that happens more than it should.
But enough of that. Hope all of you have a great day. Be kind to someone today. It doesn’t cost a penny.