Sorry, I heard this song today from Sesame Street and had to write this. I apologize to all those who will be offended by this. Kidding. I don’t care.
I have often been quoted as saying I don’t like people. Well I don’t. They are needy, pushy, and annoying. And, to be honest, I think I give off the “I don’t like people vibe”. A couple of days ago I was at kid’s party and I walked over to a table to get something to eat. A woman had just walked into the house moments earlier and had said hi to everyone there but me. I had seen her walk in and do that and it did not phase me one bit. It never occurred to me that being ignored was a bad thing at all. At the table she came up and said hi and remarked, “I would have said hi earlier, but you always look so scary.”
Nailed it. Looked scary without even trying. Ha. I impress myself sometimes.
Anyway. People. Don’t like them. Love to watch them sometimes as long as they stay to themselves. But I was that way as a child too. Loved to watch them do their thing, but never cared to interact. When I grew older nothing changed. Except that they got annoying.
But, and this is a big but(t), people are hard to ignore if you live in an apartment complex. You will run into them on the way to your car or when you walk your dog. Can’t really ignore them without being rude, but you can’t shoot them and hide the bodies because of all the surveillance either. So you say hey. Here are few of the people I say hey to once in a while. We get together once in while for coffee or to go eat when they call me from a blocked number (sneaky) and I answer their calls by mistake. If you read my blog you have heard of some of them before.
Contrary to the “El” and “La” I put in front of their names, none of these people are characters in the Mexican bingo like game known as “Loteria” or “Chalupa”. But they probably should be.
La Security. Currently security officer where I live. Has the temperament of Jack Nicholson in the movie A Few Good Men. She is vegan. I know, I know, that explains the temperament. Makes sense to me too. But she makes a mean banana nut bread so I tolerate her. And, also, a little bird told me she used to be a Solid-Gold Dancer back in the day. Could be. Could be maybe.
El Renaissance Man. Picture MacGyver (but not white) plus Dr. Sheldon Cooper (but still not white), The Professor from Gilligan’s Island (sorry, still not white), and mix them all together with hair line of Dr. Evil. Put them all together and you get a non-white former teacher and current massage studio owner who is living the vida loca. And by vida loca I mean he is often seen in the company of La Security. Brave man. Enough said.
El Judge aka Captain K(no)w Fish. Current judge who deals out harsh South Texas justice and who dreams of one day getting paid for telling people where the fish are. He has a boat. Can’t lie, he does know where the fish are. Now if he could just stay on his boat.
La Wife of Captain K(no)w Fish. – I would give her a nick-name but she is a bit on the scary side. The judge once told me in no uncertain terms that if he ever woke up dead one day to order an autopsy no matter if there were no signs of foul play or not. He made me promise. I am told by people who are in a position to know this that they are quite sure she makes all the actual decisions in court for the judge through a complex and intricate code of signals she makes with her eyes while standing in the back of the court room. I believe it.
La Norma “I like it. I like it a Lot.” ****** – I can’t tell you her real name. She currently works at a local school but is rumored to have once been married to a former cartel boss and currently in the witness protection program. Loves politics and has the only apartment that makes strange noises while she is gone,and, incidentally, even stranger noises while she is there. And, believe it or not, was also a former Solid Gold Dancer. Small world.
El Red– Red, well, has red hair. I would tell you more about him but he works 36 hours a day and I rarely see him. Nice guy. Comes from a missionary family that does most of their good work out of Mexico and can speak better Spanish than most Spanish teachers around here. He is married to a very nice young woman who I see cleaning the side walk every day by dragging their small shaggy dog Watson across it on his back. Watson does seem to enjoy it a lot and our sidewalk stays very clean.
I come across other people around here too who have so far not made it to our little coffee get togethers (ugh, I go to coffee get togethers, shoot me now) . A nice young girl who loves Dachshunds lives here. She has two of the cutest weiner dogs you will ever see. She loves putting weiner dog related things by her front door. I don’t know much about her, but hey, if you love wiener dogs you are okay in my book.
My downstairs neighbors are pretty quiet. Rarely see them and almost never during the day. Always wearing sunglasses. Hear them rattling around at night once in a while. All evidence points to them being vampires. Good. Thank God they are not vegans.
Well that’s about it. There are of course many more people in the neighborhood where I live. I have been able to avoid them for now and will continue to do that.
But yeah, you thought you were going to get away with it right? Nope. Come on you can sing along with me.
Oh, who are the people in your neighborhood?
In your neighborhood?
In your neighborhood?
Say, who are the people in your neighborhood?
They’re the people that you meet
when you’re walking down the street
They’re the people that you meet each day!
Don’t you feel better now? Have a great day!