Things I Overheard While Talking to Myself #9 (Count your blessings, Fishing with Captain Know Fish, America’s ass)

Count your blessings

1) The woman was in her late 60’s when she died in her small apartment. She had left a trail of bodily fluids from the sofa in the living room to the bathroom where she was found dead sitting on the toilet. She was only found on the same day she died because a previous medical provider (nurse) just happened to be in the neighborhood and wanted to stop by for a first time visit and say hi. She never got the chance. The list of medical complications was long.

When Captain Know Fish ( who is also a Justice of the Peace in our county) and I arrived on scene he declared time of death. But there was no one to contact. She had relatives, we were told, but none of them ever visited or called her. The landlord had no emergency contacts available for the emergency personnel that had arrived to assist. She had no friends. No one ever visited her.  The police officer on scene could locate no one to take possession of the body. She died alone and in pain.

2) Her husband called in her death. We arrived at a single room  small ramshackle mobile home late in the evening. She had been sick for years and contracted Covid-19 recently. She had had several strokes but was not under any type of home care. It was just her and her husband and he was ill too. The mobile home looked like it could fall apart at any moment.  He told the police officer he had no money to bury her and did not know what to do.

What is wrong with us? Why can’t we take care of each other? I have cancer and I am in a real rough spot. But I am overflowing with love and support from all directions. None of us should be left behind in our greatest time of need. It’s up us to take care of each other. Especially in these hard times.

Even with all the support I have in these hard times I cry about it. I know I shouldn’t but I do. I complain about the pain. I wonder if it is worth waking up in the morning sometimes to all this pain and agony. So far the answer, obviously, has been yes. I imagine it always will be. Just having the idea in my head though. That is something no one should feel. Everyone should have someone pulling them back from the hurt and, oh God so many people don’t.  We should all strive to be that person for someone in need.

Fishing with Captain Know Fish

I have not gone fishing in months. I miss Captain Know Fish, Shane, Cody, and even that strange guy with the fly-fishing rod. Yeah, even him. I had just gotten back into fishing before all this cancer nonsense reared it’s ugly head.  But my legs can’t handle the stress of standing on a boat yet. The truth is I can walk easily quite a long distance but I can’t step up on a curb without help. I don’t have the leg strength. I lost most of my muscle mass when I was in the hospital and am having trouble getting it back. Every doctor’s visit records a weight loss.

The guys take off without me now.  Yeah, you read that right. They take off without me. I don’t blame them (of course I do, bastards). They should go out and have fun without me (no, they shouldn’t). It’s probably better for them now that I am not there and catching the biggest and most fish (this is true). It gives them all a chance to be “the guy”. You know what guy I am talking about. The guy doing it right. The guy making it look easy. The guy.

I do get it though. Just because I have to stay home and re-learn how to pee and poop again while losing my hair is no reason for them not to go fishing right? Right? Right?  WRONG! You don’t do a guy like that. Ugh. Oh my God see what you did there? You made me write “ugh”. I promised myself years ago that if I wrote words for people to read I would never write the word “ugh”. Dammit.

Hold on, hold on.

I am joking of course. I take it all back. It is an honor and a privilege to fish with these guys. They are grade A fishermen and good eggs, all of them. They have all dedicated their lives to justice and family (2 peace officers and 1 judge) and are among the best at what they do. That includes fishing. I am proud to know them and thrilled they let me go fishing with them. And if for some crazy reason I am never able to do it again I will let you all now there is not a better bunch of guys to fish with. Case closed.

P.S. Yeah, even that strange guy with the fly-fishing rod.

America’s ass

I looked in the mirror the other day and realized that there is a striking resemblance between myself and Captain America. There wasn’t always one, but there is now. Recently, after an extended stay at a hospital, I lost a lot of weight in a very short time. It wasn’t healthy weight loss. But quite a bit of the weight was from my ass. Yes, my ass. Now granted, I did not have a lot of weight to lose from  back there in the first place and no one ever referred to my ass as “America’s” ass like they did Captain America’s ass, but it got the job done and it was the only one I had. So just like Captain America carries his round shield everywhere he goes, I am now the proud owner of a similar cylindrical object known more commonly as a “butt donut” that I carry with me everywhere I go. True story. I just need to paint it red, white, and blue in the same design his has.

This fine object was quite the lifesaver when I got out of the hospital. If you have ever lost weight back there fast and then have been forced to stay immobile then you know what I am talking about. I envy those with padding back there. You never know how important some things are until they are gone. I will never make fun of people with big butts again. Okay maybe this one last time.

My butt donut shields me from pain and discomfort in quite the same way Captain America’s shield protects him from bullets and such. And I don’t have to throw mine around everywhere like he does. I just sit on it. Just place squarely on any flat surface and sit on it. Quite an ingenious little gadget if you ask me.  I wouldn’t trade mine for his for anything in the world. Not even a star-spangled one made of vibranium.

tenor

So just like Captain America takes his shield every where he goes I will continue to take mine every where I go. Together I think we can both make this world safe for democracy. Well, him mostly. At least until I gain some weight back.

Hope all you guys stay safe out there. Take care of one another.

14 thoughts on “Things I Overheard While Talking to Myself #9 (Count your blessings, Fishing with Captain Know Fish, America’s ass)

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  1. Roberrrrrrrt! It’s so nice to read your words again! I have missed you so so much and am sending you all the virtual hugs I can send out! And all my love, of course! You get that always!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m trying. This chemo makes it hard to want to do anything. But I am going to continue and push on, and that means writing for me. I won’t be complete if I don’t write. It won’t feel write. You know the feeling. Have been keeping up with your poems recently. Love to read you too. Hope all is well with family and I wish you the best. Let’s try and make it out of 2020 in one piece! Wish you the best! – Robert

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thank you so much for checking out my poetry. I’ll need to update my poems since I notice that I go in spurts. I always check to see if you’ve written anything and was so happy to see that you posted something. And yes, definitely keep writing. I love reading all your words! Thinking of you always, Robert! – Liz

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  2. I’m super glad to see you writing again!

    Good eggs?… Eggs are good when they’re fresh. I know that atleast one of those “good eggs” is actually more like a Chinese Century Egg… not the best thing to look at, and only appreciated by a few people with strange tastes… myself included.

    Keep it up!…the toilet seat, I mean. Must be a pain in the @$$ to have to use one of those donuts…on second thought… I guess it’s not.

    Can’t wait for your next blog post. I’m dying to read it. I hope you’re not dying to write it.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You know I am thinking of designing pants with the donut already sewed into the inside of them. We should look into that. You and should take it up with those people at Shark Tank. I’ll start working on that right now. Let me know if your in or if you’re out.

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  3. Thank you for this bit of humor and empathy this morning…I needed it. 2020 as a whole has been a disaster and I’d like to wipe it from the calendar. Keep up the good work.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. 2020 has been rough all around for just about everybody I imagine. I hope we all make it okay into 2021. Thanks for reaching out. – Robert

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  4. I soooo much missed reading from you. And as always, you made me laugh, cry and reminisce at the same time.
    I’m glad you are back and I’ll keep on praying for your well being.
    Now, to the other subject, 😅
    Have you ever tried a small pool with moving fishes. I mean not real fishes just toy fishes? lol I know it’s not the same, but well, from that to nothing, is well worth it.
    6 months is the longest I’ve been bed ridden, and I know what you mean when others keep on moving and one is in standstill. And yes, uuughhh!! Is the feeling I used to get all the time. However, I’m glad you are trying, is much better than giving into decay. I was laughing with your captain almost round plate thing. lolol
    A slim friend always tells me the agony of being slim in that area, and here I am with envy since she is so thin and looks delicate whereas my football player armor body is too much for me to handle. Anyways, after reading what you wrote, I guess I’m ok with it. lolol
    Hope you are feeling better and as always wishing you a good day and God bless.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. You’ve been on my mind lately and you can’t imagine how happy I was to see the notice of a new post. But you’re right, especially during this panDAMNic, we should be taking better care of one another. No one should die alone, not to mention suffering alone.

    It seems as if this whole COVID thing in combination with political axes to grind have shaved off large slivers of our humanity. Your post reminds me to be more conscious of anyone who needs compassion (and that means EVERYONE) and to express it.

    Keep hanging in there, even with your ‘shield.’ Maybe you can find some sparkly sequins to stitch on it in the shape of stars. That’ll give somebody a smile when they see you at a coffee shop.

    Sending loads of digital hugs and positive healing energy your way. There are fish still waiting for you. 😍

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for reaching out and commenting. Not a bad idea with the sequins thing. I think my sister might still have that thing she had back in the 70’s to decorate her jeans with. I can’t remember the name of the gadget. And yes, we need more compassion in this world. We are dying without it. Thank you. -Robert

      Liked by 1 person

      1. The abject callousness I’m seeing these days is astonishing. So much for ‘Christian’ values. They’re fine so long as you agree with their politics but if not, then you’re in league with the devil. Hang in there; we’re sending loads of digital thoughts your way.

        Liked by 1 person

  6. Oh dear lawt this post made laugh, okay no, not the chemo part. But those fishing bastards that hypothetically left you behind, and Capt. Ass Donut and the lack of butt padding situation. I’m so glad your back writing, even if you might not quite remember me. 😃

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I do remember you of course. Thanks for reading and commenting. Yes I am trying to get back to some type of normal routine now that the shock of everything has passed. Thanks for reaching out. I appreciate it. – Robert

      Liked by 1 person

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